One year later (aka a birthday check-in)
Hello, I’m a year older today!
Quarantine started a day before my birthday last year, so a lot of the jokes I made last time was how I almost could’ve celebrated my birthday if the quarantine had started a day or two later. It was funny then because things were just starting and we were all thinking that by June, things would be back to normal and we could pause the celebrations now and wait until things are over.
But obviously, that didn’t happen, and it’s far from over.
Celebrating a second birthday in the middle of a pandemic with more cases, virus strains and a dismal pandemic response is…something. I don’t really know how how to describe it, because maybe I haven’t processed it fully yet, to be literally in the same place and almost in the same situation one year after.
It’s not to discount the blessings. I’m thankful for my job, for good health, for my parents getting their first shot of the vaccine, for easy access to resources, for things to be happy about. Thinking about this and knowing I have these makes me seem ungrateful when I feel sad about everything else, and as everyone said at the start of all of this, we are all grieving for something. And that’s right…but as my boss once told me when she checked on me, we’re all grieving for the lifestyles that we lost, and no one has any idea how to do that.
And she’s right. I’ve been trying to come to terms with that in the past month — and by “come to terms,” I mean, recognize how I am doing right at the moment. Recognize if I’m feeling sad, or angry, or out of it, acknowledge the times I feel happy and not feel bad about it. To even set boundaries, because wow, I never realized how bad I was at that before all this time I’ve been at home. Maybe it’s really having that awareness of myself, instead of busying myself all the time when there are things I don’t want to deal with.
It’s not always comfortable…but well, growth happens when we’re uncomfortable anyway. As BTS sings, life goes on.
So anyway, hello to this new year. 🙂
Reading:
One Royal Christmas by Melissa Tagg (yes a Christmas book at this time), and The Tropetastic Kindness Bundle. My reading progress is abysmal, though, like I haven’t opened my Kindle in the past weeks. 🙁 But I kind of have a good reason for this, because in the past month I’ve been immersed in…
Writing:
Korean! I know how to read and write Hangeul now! 🙂 I enrolled in Korean language classes last month and it has been THE BEST. I’ve always wanted to learn a new language and I’ve set my sights on French or Spanish but I never followed through. Then BTS happened to my life, and suddenly I wanted to learn Korean! It goes with how I like reading the lyrics of the songs I listen to, and the translations of BTS’s songs in English are already great, but they said that it gets even better when you understand the original language because there are nuances in Korean that is hard to translate to English.
The class is a blast, too. My brain’s so fired up every time. It’s not easy, because there’s so much to learn, but it’s always exciting when someone tweets and I recognize some of the words that we learned in class. 🙂
Listening:
2! 3! by BTS. This week has been such a big week for BTS, and everything that happened just solidified my love for them. After the whole Granny thing last Monday, I started playing this song and promptly started crying. It still makes me cry when I listen to it.
It’s okay When I say one two three, forget it
Erase all the sad memories Hold my hand and smile
It’s okay When I say one two three, forget it
Erase all the sad memories Hold each other’s hands and smile
But still I hope, in the future, there will be many good days
If you believe my words, one two three
If you believe me, one two three
But still I hope there will be many more good days
If you believe my words, one two three
If you believe me, one two three
(Translation from doolsetbangtan)
Our Korean teacher also gives us songs for word search exercises and today I fell in love with Park Hyoshin’s Goodbye. What a beautiful song and voice.
Loving:
Our ARMY chat group that some Twitter mutuals started before Granny’s so we could avoid spoilers and then just talk about all things Bangtan.
Needing:
To sleep. And to maybe answer all the birthday greetings (thank you!). You know how back in the day you still had the energy to answer each and every one of the messages individually and make sure each message is different. Now I’m like, maybe a general thank you post will do? Maybe I’m just getting tired of social media.
Thinking:
About how evil racism is, and what goes in the minds of people who subscribe to this. Also thinking of how strange it is to be so happy hating something that people love. Does it make you sleep better when you talk crap about what makes other people happy? Does it make you feel like you’re such a ~better person because you’re not like all those ~fans? Seriously, people, that’s such a waste of energy that could be used instead to fight actual injustice.
On a lighter note, I’m also thinking of how to spend the rest of my long weekend. Do I catch up on K-drama or dive into Bangtan Universe? What should I do first???
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Thank you to everyone who sent in birthday greetings! ♥ Please always stay safe.
